Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
my poor anus
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
