Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
