If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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