he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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