god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
