I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My vagina just clenched in fear
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
