watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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