Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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