lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
