every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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