ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
