it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
