I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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