Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
