i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
how drunk are you?
Several
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize