i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
