it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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