party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize