Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
