why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sorry my hands just texted you
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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