i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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