i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
