wanna go halves on a baby?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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