Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i barfeds in our rink
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
ttyl tear gas
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
