I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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