in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
