Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize