she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
