I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
