so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
