i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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