I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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