When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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