wat bout pragnant strippers??
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
