DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
