Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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