someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
