gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
