I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
