I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
