I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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