The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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