I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
