Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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