I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
