weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
