i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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