I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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