Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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