her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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