Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
