I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
