I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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