Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just saw a hot homeless man
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
