i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
