Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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