it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
