You smell like a Billy Joel song
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
