An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
