Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
