The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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