so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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