How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize