friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
