I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
