You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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