we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i believe in u and ur pee
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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