I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
