It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize