we have pet lesbian snakes
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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