dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
