We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
