Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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