there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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