I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
