Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
