Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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