is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
