Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
