oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize