honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
