Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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