ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
