Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
