Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize