She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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