you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
