dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
