the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
