Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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