I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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