My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
