Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
