she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
