I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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