So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
