Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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