We won't sleep together?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
