Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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