I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
