I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
