you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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