The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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