its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
